Who's Making the Alcohal?
by babsji
Summary: Just who and how many people are making the alcohal? Should ythey continue with their experiments? Continued mayhem from the kitchen staff.
1. Chapter 1

**Who's making the alcohol?**

"What are you doing?" Ronon asked from the doorway.

Jesse and Flip jumped from where they were crouched and whispering in the dark. "Damn it! Ronan can you sneak up a little louder next time! Now shh, and shut the door!" Jesse quickly pulled him in, glancing down the hallway to make sure that no one was around to notice.

Ronon rolled his eyes at Jesse's usual prickly attitude before saying, "I was not 'sneaking'. I was curious about what you and Flip were doing."

"Er, uhm, Inventory." Jesse invented quickly.

"In the dark? There are many things to do in the dark, but most of them do not involve having clothes on." Ronon teased with an almost smile.

Both Jesse and Flip gave him uncomprehending looks before identical 'eww' expressions appeared on their faces. "Get your mind out of the gutter." Jesse said in disgust.

"I got nothing to say." Flip answered good-humouredly.

"Inventory isn't usually done in the dark. Perhaps the lights don't work. Should I call for repairs?" Ronon asked before placing a hand on the light panel. "Is that better?" He continued once the lights came on.

Jesse gave an irritated huff before saying sharply, "Stop that!" Turning to Flip she asked, "I thought you said that you had disconnected all the lights?"

"I thought I did."

Turning back to Ronon, she looked up at him and said, "And you! What is it and all the 'in the darks'? I thought you were a super soldier type and could see in the dark?"

"I can see better in the dark than the majority of people here, except for perhaps Teyla, but I don't think that you are trying to improve your eye sight in here." Looking over at the large glass bottles that She and Flip had been studying, he continued, "That looks like some of the experiments that Dr. Zelanka has in a small lab. He even has pictures of Athosian fruits on it also."

Jesse gave him a look at his seemingly innocent revelation before saying thoughtfully, "Really? Huh, that could useful information."

"Yeah, but when, and how to use it? I'm not sure that I'd risk trying to blackmail him. Rumor has it that he was behind Dr. Kavanaugh's exploding toilet incident." Flip broke in just as thoughtfully.

"A collaborative effort might not be too bad. We'd have to be careful though. He is in with the Indian chiefs." Jesse said chewing on a lock of her hair.

Watching the two of them mull for a few moments longer Ronon said, "Is no one supposed to know about the rotten Athosian fruit?"

Both Jesse and Flip rolled their eyes at that. "Don't play caveman big guy. You didn't survive running from the Wraith for seven years by being stupid. You know damn well that it's fermenting, and that it's against 1,000's of military regs. So don't get all talky all of a sudden with the Indian chiefs, or Teyla for that matter." Jesse said grumpily.

"You know, fermenting would go a better if Col. Sheppard would stop turning the lights on." Flip sighed. "But I do think that we have the temp about right though."

"I think it's actually McKay with his stupid diagnostics actually." Jesse said as she joined him again in kneeling by the jars.

Ronon drew up to his full height and intoned icily, "Are you accusing me of being a tale carrier? Besides I know of no one called 'Indian chief'."

"Sure you do." Jesse said distractedly.

"Who?" He demanded as he stepped next to them. "And wouldn't it ferment better in a wooden cask?"

"They are all those that go around giving interfering and contradictory orders. And well duh! It would be better in wooden casks, but I haven't figured out how to request any with out raising suspicions."

"Your leaders are called Indian chiefs? Then how did you get these jars?"

"Yup. And they're medical requisitions that fell off the ship."

Ronon gave an annoyed sigh and said, "Why do I always feel that you are laughing at me and talking about other things than what I hear?"

"Because I usually am."

"You admit to mocking me?"

"Not precisely. I just find that interspecies communication to be haphazard and whopsided at best."

Ronon waited a moment before saying, "Teyla said something like that the other day."

"She did, did she? Good for her. I knew there was a reason I liked her. Now what did you want?"

Ronon almost purred as he looked at her and said, "I had come here for something else, but now I'd like to know, what would you do for me not to tell anyone about your 'fermenting experiments'?"

Flip looked up I alarm at his words, and opened his mouth to say something, but Jesse beat him to it and said, "Why Mr. Dex, are you acquiring the fine art of negotiating, aka 'blackmail'?"

"What were you trying to teach me about subtleties and nuances?"

"In other words I laid the ground for my own defeat?"

Flip looked between the two and said plaintively, "Are you two flirting? You are aren't you?"

Jesse and Ronon smiled at each other, and Jesse said calmly, "No we aren't, we're 'negotiating'."

"Well, it doesn't sound like negotiating to me, and my preference would is, not to be around the next time that ya'll 'negotiate'."

Ronon inclined his head and said, "Perhaps we will continue later after you have thought about what you could do for me."

"Things seem to change swiftly in this universe. Perhaps you won't have the same bargaining advantage next time we meet."

"I believe that I will take that chance."


	2. Chapter 2

I believe that I forgot to disclaim ownership of everything except for Jesse and Flip the first time around.

I tried warning that the plot bunnies were leading away from the kitchen. Don't want to wear it out too much. Now they're eventually going to lead off planet.

Oh, I've read so many SGA fics that I can't remember if Kavanaugh's exploding toilet was in the show or in a fic. If it's just in fics, thank dr. dredd.

**Who's Up Second?**

Once Ronon had left, Flip accused Jesse, "You were flirting with him!"

"What! No I wasn't! We were simply playing cat & mouse. .. Well, I was at least."

Flip picked up one of the jars to carry back to the kitchen and asked, "Well, which one are you? The cat or the mouse? Because if he's the cat, I don't want to be around the next time ya'll 'play'. He's to damn big for him to mistake me for another mouse also."

"Well, I'm the cat if it's any consolation."

"Have you told him that? Because he looks like a big ol' lion ready to eat something." Flip said snidely.

Jesse made a face at him, and said, "Just take that to the kitchen. We'll try it after evening chow."

"Yeah, yeah. That is unless I run into someone that makes me a better offer. Like that gorgeous redheaded private in Communications. She keeps asking if we have any chocolate. I think Stackhouse gave her some of your cookies."

Laughing, Jesse shoved Flip out of the door, "Go on, git! I'll finish up here." Watching him round the corner for a moment, she shook her head still laughing and returned to putting the room back, totally missing Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Zelanka rounding the opposite end of the hall.

"Rodney has pinpointed the strange power fluctuations as being on this hallway Colonel." Radek said fiddling with his data pad.

"Well that narrows it down." Sheppard said grumpily as he looked down the long hallway. His frown turned upside as he saw Jesse exit a room. "Of course that narrows it down even further." He said as he caught the guilty look on her face. Sheppard smirked at Radek happily as they walked up to her. "Sgt. Braddock. Aren't you supposed to be in the kitchen right now? Evening chow is soon."

Sgt. Jesse Braddock quickly snapped to attention, drilled off a textbook salute and tried to look innocent as the Colonel stopped in front of her. "Sir?"

"Aren't you supposed to be preparing evening chow?"

"It's all prep work right now sir. I won't be needed for another hour or so. ..Privileges of being in charge."

"An hour or so? That doesn't sound very efficient." Dr. Zelenka commented.

Jesse smiled at him and said wryly, "Cooking isn't an exact science doctor. It requires a certain flexibility and coaxing." Giving a more gleeful grin, she continued, "Although I do try and emphasize how 'voodoo' it can be for Dr. McKay's benefit. I have a little shrine dedicated to some Hindi goddess in the kitchen where he can see it. It gives him absolute fits."

Radek laughed at that while Colonel Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Yes, Ha Ha. You wouldn't by any chance know of any power outages in this area, that you have no business being in at all, do you?" He asked blandly. "Like say in this room?" He continued as he stepped around Jesse to enter. After entering, he had to slap the light panel a few times to get the lights to finally flicker on.

Dr. Zelenka whistled at the elaborate set up in the room. Colonel Sheppard however didn't look at all surprised as he asked, "Are you making alcohol in here?"

"What! No, no of course not. That would be against regulations. Besides Dr. Beckett would have a fit, and go on about how homemade alcohol can cause blindness, and stomach ulcers, and destroy your liver. He'd drag out all kinds of medical emergencies to get his point across. And by then, no one would remember what it was. Including him. I would not want to be the cause of the poor man to have a fit. .. I'll leave that up to you and Dr. McKay sir."

Sheppard threw her an irritated look. "Oh really? Then what is that?" He asked sarcastically pointing at the still on the far side of the room.

"Oh that? Hum, well, it's a historically accurate re-creation. Some one asked what a still looked like, so I built one to my grandfather's specs. .. He used to be a bootlegger. But I can assure you that it is for display purposes only. .. Honest." She babbled, crossing her fingers behind her back.

Dr. Zelenka examined it and said with a smile, " A very accurate re-creation. It looks to be in perfect working order. I congratulate you."

Now Colonel Sheppard threw him an irritated look before pointing opposite of the still, "And what would that be?"

"Oh that is just some supplies we accidentally 'misplaced'. Some Athosian fruit and sugar and spices we accidentally sealed up and placed in a dark climate controlled area. It really shouldn't be opened for a few weeks more. Then we'll dispose of it." Jesse said airily.

"Really? 'Misplaced accidentally' you said?"

"Of course. No other way to 'misplace' things is there? And this place is so big that I'm sure that Jimmy Hoffa would feel right at home."

Dr. Zelenka just looked confused at that statement, but the Colonel just sighed and said, "You're reaching sergeant."

"Sorry sir. My mouth does have a tendency sometimes to babble on before my brain."

"Oh, I don't know. Dr. McKay is teaching me to tune voices out, so I can't say that I've noticed that tendency yet."

"Just as long as you hear me if I scream."

"That'll have to be Ronon. He's the one with the superior hearing."

"Just my luck sir."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing important sir."

"Alright then. I believe that the 're-creation is a little too real. Please dismantle it soon." He emphasized, then looking at the containers he continued, "And as to the other, make sure that you 'dispose' of it properly at the appropriate time. Call me so that I can witness that it has been carried out in a professional manner in keeping with the military image."

"Of course sir." Jesse agreed, her expression giving nothing away now. Both of them knew that jars of water and food coloring could easily be substituted.

"And Dr. McKay won't have any more alerts about power disruptions here will he?"

"No sir, and I have no idea at all, why there were any."

"Colonel Sheppard smiled and said, "Of course not. I'm sure that it was just a 'glitch'. That's why Dr. McKay runs so many diagnostics, to find the 'glitches'. And now that we've found this 'glitch', we'll leave and return to our regularly scheduled duties. As should you. Have a good day sergeant."

"Yes sir." Jesse replied with relief.

As they walked off, Radek commented to Sheppard, "No wonder she doesn't want any one in her kitchen except for her staff."

"How much do you want to bet that none of that stuff will be there later tonight?"

"Useful information to know who else is making alcohol."

"Well, I wouldn't try and blackmail her. She is as devious as you are. Have you seen what she feeds Kavanaugh and Bates sometimes?"

"No of course not. I was thinking more along the lines of a collaborative effort perhaps. She may not be a chemist, but she does know more about organic reactions and times than I do…." Radek's voice trailed off thoughtfully.

John just sighed and rolled his eyes skyward. "We did not come all the way out here to find you a partner in crime. ..Of course maybe she could make your rotgut taste better."

As they walked off, Jesse muttered walking the opposite way, "Note to self; find a way to bypass Dr. McKay's diagnostics."


End file.
